Lost is so cool
by Rambina
Summary: This is a fic done by my sister, read at your own risk.
1. The Elephant

A/n: This is a fanfic composed by my sister who doesn't actually watch lost and thinks its a waste of time and as she was telling me last night it is unbelievable. This is her version of the story when she came in my bedroom when i was watching lost and stayed there till 12! telling me about this. bare with me people. she has three people in her mind. This is before two for the road.  
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Disclaimer: We don't own it.  
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Chapter one- The Elephant.  
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An elephant ran into the jungle with hurley riding on its back, holding onto its ears for dear life. Kate and Jack were there, naked, and then the chinse, (but actullay Korean.) couple were there. Jung and Sin or whatever (hopefully fully clothed) ran into the jungle when they heard cries of the elephant yelling "Elephant meat good for pregnant chinse lady." (I think they were meant to yell that instead of the elephant, but never mind) even though the father of her baby was some other chinse dude.  
And so Jack (Still naked) got out his bow and arrow (which they dont have) and began shoting at the the elephant and then Hurly yelled at him "Dude I'm riding this thing, quit shooting at me." But jack shot an arrow through Hurley and he let go off the elephant's ears and fell off the side of the elephant. And then the elephant got scared by the naked people so it ran away through the jungle to join the polar bear. And the chinese people were like "Hurly is also good for pregnant lady"  
And then Ana Lucia ran through the forest and Sawyer followed her, waving her skirt above his head, even though she only has one pair of jeans with a huge brown belt and golden buckle. And then Ana Lucia was all "Fk this, i die in the next episode anyway" and she took out her gun and shot herself. -  
Next episode...who knows what is in my sisters mind. 


	2. Down the Hatch

A/N: Just again, this is done by my sister, she is crazy, ya know, this is before the episode Two for the road.  
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Disclaimer:Ummm, nope we don't own it, or the other three people in my sisters head.  
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Chapter two- Down the Hatch.  
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Previously on Lost: There was an elephant, and Jack killed Hurly with a bow and arrow and then Ana Lucia shot herself.

John Locke was underground, because there was this whole massive system underground with proper working toilets,(Called the Dharma hatches/Stations) and he was staring at this thing, with his hands holding his head going "Ommmm, I am John Locke, and I will open this thing, even though I dont know what it is with my own mind. Ommmm." Like those meditating people only he wasnt sitting cross-legged, well he could have been. And then Kate and Jack saw him and go "Wow John Locke, what are you doing?" And so John Locke repeated himself, "Ommmm, I am John Locke, and I will open this thing, even though I dont know what it is with my own mind. Ommmm." And then Sawyer came running in, wearing Ana Lucia's skirt around his head in memory of her and Kate and Jack got bored so they went off to feed Kate's pony. (What)  
And Sawyer was all "Hey, Mr John Locke, what are you doing?" And so John Locke repeated himself, "Ommmm, I am John Locke, and I will open this thing, even though I dont know what it is with my own mind. Ommmm." And then Sawyer goes "Hey, there's a button here, I wonder what'll happen if I press it"  
And John Locke goes "No, i'm going to open this thing, even though I dont know what it is with my unbelievable brain power." And Sawyer goes "Whatever" and presses the button and then BOOOOM they all got blown up. (And again, What? The button does nothing as we all heard from henry gale)  
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Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. 


	3. The Crazy french Chick

A/n: And again, My siter is mad, Who know's what this episode will bring.  
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Disclaimer: Right, Me, My sister, the three people in her head, or anyone else who could be in the mind of my sister, don't own it.  
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Chapter three- The French chick.  
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Previously on Lost: Hurly was dead, and Ana Lucia was dead and then John Locke and Sawyer blew themselves up.

Kate went off to ride her pony around the island and Jack made Charlie something out of Hurly's distilled bodily fluids and Charlie was high and then the Crazy french chick came and she started talking very loudly and fast in french and no one could understand her because Shannon, the only one who could speak french had been shot a couple of episodes earlier by Ana Lucia. And then Charlie, who was now high, (On Hurly's body fluids even though he had about three mary statues of crack.) goes "I speak french" and he started to translate everything the french woman said. "Yeah, she says the transmitter thing that she's done for 50 years even though she's only 40 years old,(Well, No she is about 50 and has been sending the transmission for 30years.) has found something from the planets she's been broadcasting it to and. Uh huh, uh huh, she says that aliens exist."(I said it and I'm gonna say it again, What)  
And then Kate came back from her jaunt around the island(Which is practicaly impossible as it took the tailes three days to get across the island, even though they got lost but thats just cus none of them could track.) and Charlie goes "She says she's left the oven on in her little wooden hut and the roast beef is burning."(Which doesn't even exist although it might)  
And then the french lady suprised everyone by saying, in perfect english(But she can talk english anyway) "Would you all like to share my roast beef with me?" And everyone looked at each other and then to the body of Hurly lying dead in the floor, And had just magiclly appered outside the hut of the crazy french lady.) who had always eaten all of their food before, and then they rubbed their stomachs and went "Yum yum" and followed the french lady back to her little wooden hut that was barely big enough for 3 people but somehow all 50 of them managed to sit in it and eat her roast beef. And then Charlie goes "Hey, guys, I hear something"  
And Kate's like "Yeah, 'coz you're still high Charlie"  
And charlie goes "No, seriously, it sounds like 'oonga oonga oonga' you listen." And so they did, and what had happened was The Others had circled the french womans hut, because the smell of roast beef had entranced them, and they were doing their trademark The Other chant whilst banging their wooden sticks on the ground and shaking their hips while wearing Hawaiin-type-raffia-grass-skirts. (What)  
And then Charlie goes "Hey, guys I also translate Other-Speak." and he went outside of the hut and goes "Uh huh, uh huh, they say the elephant's going to have a baby and they want us to have it." (But doesn't that need two elephants? where's the other one)  
And Claire goes to baby Aaron, "A baby elephant, wow, I always wanted an elephant." And Aaron said nothing because he didnt even know what an elephant was.(And was a baby)  
And then The Others all went away and everyone else went to sleep. Except for Jack and Kate, who were sitting by a bonfire because it's surprising how cold the nights can get on a desert island in the middle of the pacific ocean. And Kate was looking at her feet because she didnt trust herself to look into Jacks eyes and she says "I'm sorry about the kiss"  
And Jack goes "I'm not. It was the only really good kiss you've given me, And you've given me a lot of kisses." ( But she hasn't really, cus she only gave him one, and then ran away)  
And she goes "Maybe I should kiss you again to prove that I really am a good kisser"  
And he goes "OK"  
And they both lean in for the kiss, and shut their eyes and get closer together until.  
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Right well umm, do they kiss? 


	4. The recap

A/N: My sister is writing this and the bits in braketts are me, I kinda forgot to put that on the other chapters. I have no idea where we are in the episode cus Zoe has messed up the script so much, Oh and Zoe is my sister, just incase you were woundering.  
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Disclaimer: Ok you all know that there are about five people who wrote this story, three of them don't even exist, so we, including the three in zoes mind, don't own lost.  
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Chapter four- a recap.  
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Previously on Lost: The french woman speaks english, aliens are coming and the elephant is having a baby. Kate and Jack are about to kiss, Or are they?

YES, Kate and Jack kiss.

THE END 


End file.
